When I left home yesterday, I crawled
through a slit in the wall
and began life.
Couldn’t help but feel helpless
as light hooked onto my flesh coloring it honey.
I was nothing but another collection of cells
occupying space on God’s blue earth,
an unknown voice
echoing through chaos and cosmos.
So if you catch me daydreaming,
don’t bother picking at me
like crusted wounds.
I’m just meditating between
bass clefs and metaphors,
cognitive thinking and saying fuck it!
When I left home yesterday,
I left with nothing but the skin on my back
and a voice cornered in my throat.
You’ve got to feel what I’m saying
to dig this beat—my pulse—
my first steps to my dreams,
my hustle to stay afloat.
I need new reasons to cry
because it’s the same ol’, same ol’:
…and I’m hungry, and tired,
I’m lonely and scared …
It’s just the same ol’, same ol’.
This is the tune that hurts—
the first poem spewed into indigo sky.
Tonight, I want to stretch myself across the Caribbean,
pull the cork that lies at the bottom of the sea
until my ancestors flood me and I’m royal again.
I want Calliope to summon the slumbering muses
and charge at me like knights.
I want my husband to touch me
like the first time we laid together.
I want him to kiss my wounds,
to kiss my wounds,
to kiss my wounds
until he understands my hurt
and we are healed.
Tonight, I want to forget my failures,
I want to forget my successes and live
without amounting to anyone’s expectations
but my own. I want to step out
of this hollow shell of rotting flesh and bone
and become one with the dense smoke of my high;
whizzing into space when Earth crumbles
into hate and war,
into gats and guts,
into ash and dust.
I want to rise like a god into the twinkling black
and forgive my corpse for the disdain
that has overwhelmed my spirit—I’m sorry;
I was mortal then.
Tonight, I just want to smile
- m.d. ray, Oh, Just Wishful Thoughts Scattered Amongst the Mind
with freedom stretched wide across my mouth
because I’m at peace within this moment.